Words of Thought
by Cera Toynbee
Summary: A short fic based on the journal entries of Mortimer Toynbee.


  
This is a short story focusing on the journal entries of Mortimer Toynbee. Inspired by the entries of my own journal. Enjoy.  
  
-Cera  
____________________________________________________  
  
  
Journal,  
  
I've heard that writing helps to clear your thoughts. I need to keep a clear head. So, I'm writing.  
  
I'm not sure what to write about. I've never known anyone who kept a journal. Magneto might have, but I'm afraid to say anything to Magneto but 'yes, sir'. So that rules out that.   
  
Maybe I should just write down what happens each day and then go from there. Yeah, that's what I'll do.  
  
Hey, what do you know. This acctually works.  
  
Mortimer  
  
***  
  
Journal,  
  
I'm so bored. So, I decided to write some more. You know, when we're not trying to take over the world, there is NOTHING to do. Thank the Lord I now have something to pass the hours.  
  
I guess I owe Magneto for this, too. When I first joined the Brotherhood, I couldn't read or write. Magneto decided this wouldn't do and got Mystique to teach me how. She wasn't thrilled about it, but at least she was nice about it. I still have trouble with spelling sometimes, but that's okay. At least I can write well enough to do this.  
  
Cor, Sabertooth really freaks me out. I was walking past him today and he gave me this look like he was wondering if he should, I don't know, eat me or something. Totally creeped me out. The hairy git always has to be growling or roaring or something.  
  
Hey, there's a topic. I'll write about the members of the Brotherhood. Well, I pretty much just gave my opinion of Creed (Sabertooth), so I'll write about Mystique.   
  
Mystique is kind of a mystery. When we are in battle, she's a cold-blooded killer without mercy. On missions, she quiet, yet in charge. Same at the lair.  
  
And as for Magneto...I'm just scared of him. When I joined the Brotherhood, I became his own personal whipping boy. I know he is right in whatever he did to me, but...well, it's just that he said the lair was a safe haven for mutants. Yet, he tortures me if he gets ticked off.   
  
I better stop writing now. I shouldn't be questioning Magneto.  
  
Mortimer  
  
***  
  
Journal,  
  
Oh, God.  
  
They got us.  
  
***  
  
Journal,  
  
We have been captured by the X-men.  
  
It seems that when the Professor took over Creed's mind a year back, he learned how to indentify it. So they found us easily. Magneto, Creed, and Mystique were put in federal prison. I, for some reason, was given to the X-men. The judge odered 'intense psychiatric evaluation' and house arrest at the Professor mansion. (Bugger, thank God for the dictionary.)  
  
I have no idea why I wasn't thrown in jail like the others. The only time I've spoken to any of them is to ask that. The Professor said he brought me here because he thought I was 'redeemable'.   
  
I have this really panicky feeling right now. The court is making me wear a restraining collar and it's bringing up some bad memories. If I try to take the thing off or go outside of the school's (Xavier runs a school in the mansion) grounds, then I get electrocuted.  
  
They keep trying to talk to me. They say they won't hurt me. But...I'm so scared. It's like I'm cursed either way. I'm scared of Magneto because he tortures and hurts me, but I'm afraid of them because if I don't do what they say...  
  
I'm dead.  
  
Mortimer  
  
***  
  
Journal,  
  
I had to sit in Xavier's office and be questioned by some shrink today. I didn't talk to her. She finally gave up and I was allowed to come back up here to the room they gave me and write.  
  
It's hard to describe, but writing has become my sanctuary. It's the only time I feel at peace. Whatever made me start this journal, thanks. I mean it.  
  
Professor has tried to go in my head twice now. It's is so creepy, having someone in your head. I put up mental shields before he could read anything. He gave me this kind of 'look'. What? I don't want anyone in my head.  
  
I have a feeling, though, that soon I won't have much choice.  
  
Mortimer  
  
***  
  
Journal,  
  
I had a dream.  
  
In it, Magneto was killing me for betraying him. Magneto gave a knife to Mystique and Creed. They both stabbed me. Then he stabbed me. Then I...stabbed myself.  
  
To be honest, I'm afriad of myself now. Not afriad that Magneto will kill me, but afriad I'll kill myself for being a traitor. In a way, I suppose I deserve it. Although I don't think anyone would care. The X-men certainly wouldn't. I don't even know why I'm here.  
  
You know, sometimes, I wish someone would care. I wish I knew what it felt like to be loved. By anyone. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts anymore.  
  
They are making me insane.  
  
Mortimer  
  
***  
  
Journal,  
  
The Professor got inside my mind.  
  
He has talked to me since he read my mind. I guess he didn't like what he was seeing. It's scary enough for me to have the thoughts I do. I can only guess how freaked out he must have been.  
  
I feel...violated, somehow. Like he took something from me. It is said that your mind is the only place you are free. Now I'm not even free in my thoughts. The only thing I have left is this journal. What if someone reads it? Then I'll have nothing of my own.   
  
Nothing.  
  
Perhaps, I should just let that life go. Try and build a new one. I know after my house arrest is up, they'll kick me out. I can start over, I suppose. I wish it would all just go away.  
  
Maybe it will.  
  
Mortimer  
  
***  
  
Professor Xavier closed the small book with a snap. He felt so ashamed. Mortimer had clearly had serious problems and he had done nothing but violate the young man's mind. He hadn't helped him at all.  
  
Xavier closed his eyes as he thought of the deceased young man.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mortimer. I'm so sorry."  
_____________________________________________  
  
Well, what do you think? It was late and I needed to write, plus it was my first time writing in the first person. So, forgive me if it's really bad. Review!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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